Partly Facetious: new ideas on population control

17 Jun, 2006

"There are so many ways to curtail the population growth rate."
"Indeed. There was the Sanjay Gandhi way, by force. The guy had the police apprehend poor people and had them mercilessly neutered."
"Where there is resistance to an idea, an essentially good idea, force will have to be used."
"Yes like Kemal Ataturk of Turkey is said to have gunned down a few of the Turkish Maulanas in his hey day."
"That is an exaggeration I am sure."
"Well, that country is certainly secular now."
"I thought the religious party in Turkey was elected to power in recent years."
"Why do you look askance at that? Isn't the religious right raising its ugly head in the West as well? We have Bush and his poodle Blair."
"I thought the poodle was left wing, isn't he leader of the Labour party?"
"Indeed he is but that's the only left wing credential he is ever likely to get."
"I see what you mean."
"Going back to how to control population there was also the Chinese way. Stop more than one child families through passing a decree."
"Well our generals are also quite good at passing decrees."
"Except in China decrees are the law and no one thinks of breaking a law while here laws are meant to be broken - the trick is not even in making sure that you are not caught..."
"Yes here you are caught if you are poor and not if you are rich. No finesse is generally used while breaking the law."
"So what do you think? Good idea or bad idea?"
"What?"
"Population control?"
"Essentially a good idea I would imagine. However the Minister for Population, Chaudhry Shahbaz Hussain, has come up with an even better idea: the government will bear the educational expenditure of an only child - and to make sure the child is an only child they will wait till he/she reaches the age of 18."
"But if the government waits 18 years to determine whether the parents will have another child then they would have to begin educating at the rather tender age of 18 if you know what I mean."
"I never thought of that."
"Neither apparently did the Honourable Minister."
"I would imagine he would say better late than never."
"That's a good point but by 18 biases are all established."
"Bias?"
"Well, if you think the world is flat no one will be able to convince you that it is round at that age."
"Yes. Something like when General Musharraf was justifying his own democratic credentials in France by pointing out to the French that General de-Gaulle was in the armed forces."
"Ah yes. Just like that."

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