Five years ago when we were less worn with adjusting to people's fickleness, when we believed everything that people said, that they meant it when they praised you and that no one would dream of harming others, of hurting them or depriving or stealing from them or lying about them.
When one was more optimistic and did not know the games people play to cast a slur on another's character, to bring him down. When one did not realise how much time people waste in studying another, that they could actually obtain a Ph.D., to put it mildly.
But life I suppose is the best teacher and removes your rosy tinted illusions fast, so that everything seems to be tainted by corruption and ulterior motives disguised in well meaning gestures. So that people ask you are you sure you are not imagining it?
All the grey areas sweep in obscuring everything in their swathes of murky fogginess and hazy allusions. In the past, the rage for power or greed of the crusaders or the colonists for the wealth of other countries was somewhat undisguised.
Then the British came in supposedly as traders and later to 'educate and enlighten the natives', while siphoning off all their riches and profits to their lands. Now foreign aggression too comes in the enticingly innocuous looking silvery packaging, of foreign Aid, intervention, aiding progress, democracy and even education (in other words brain washing to perpetuate their modes of thinking and values. It is not for nothing that Pink Floyd sang,"
We don't need no education we don't need no thought control". Wish the youngsters would understand). Or even economic trade - an excuse to destroy local third world industries and make them dependent, amongst other forms of control.
And on the smaller scale, personal aggression or dislike is not openly proclaimed as 'we don't get along so live and let live,' but has morphed into a desire to hurt and comes disguised in the form of friendship to be allowed access to hurt.
We used to believe a smile was a smile, the meaning of Shakespeare's phrase, 'Smile and smile yet be a villain had not yet sunk in.' Now aggression or hurtful behaviour is wrapped up in sweet well meaning talk, to mask the sharpness of the sting, a caustic or catty comment, hurriedly brushed over with unseemly effusive praise.
And distance is replaced with crowding out. Call it being paranoid, but even the hypocrites in the time of the Holy Prophet (SAW) disguised their rage and always said, 'we only wanted to do good'. Their real intentions were invidious, to break up Muslim unity. Call it what you will but sudden, unwarranted attention and praise always raises warning hackles, 'of what does he/she want?' We've been burnt too many time to not be shy and what the Quraan has said holds true we come to realise. That the only trustworthy hand's is God's.
Five years ago, we thought that if someone said they were your friend it meant through thick and thin and that they'd stand by you in time of need, or believe your words over others, or atleast give you a hearing. When you didn't know that deceit was the name of the game and to hide one's own errors one could cast the blame on your own friend.
They say life is based on love and people give up their lives for love, even though the beloved may sell their hearts to the first bidder in the marketplace. But true love or friendship is selfless, it does not want to possess or control or even expect anything. Like the clod of William Blake that crumbles and gives itself up but does not ask for anything.
Only God is worthy of that love and place in our hearts as a saint says and any other contender is happily ejected. All this we did not know at the last time change inanity so somehow it seemed less painful. Hadn't it been proved a futile exercise in saving energy?
But as we too have now leant that men never learn a lesson from their past mistakes, or refuse to acknowledge their mistakes and end up committing more to hide them. It takes courage to admit one is wrong and humility. But if one really fears God, when one repents, one wants to set his record straight with Him and it shouldn't really matter what people think.
It should be easy for him to admit his wrong and ask pardon as Imam Ghazali suggests, from the people aggrieved, to set his conscience at peace. But that's possible only 'if people fear God and not the people' as a saint urges. The truth will anyhow emerge with time.
So an hour has been moved back. We thought we'd not write again to add to the litany of complaints. The air is already thick with recriminations, heavy with the gloomy daily fare of price hikes, food shortages, strikes, protests, starving people (who paradoxically are still unwilling to work as domestic help), political machinations, social jugglery, moral decay, turpitude etc, every where the same old refrain.
But I guess the lack of sleep and the sense of over exposure to the world compels one to vent their complaints. Nothings seems normal its as if one is sleep walking in an incubus. Wake up an hour early and go to work, leave work early but feel strangely disoriented, its too hot to do much, but return home seeking refuge from the blazingly merciless sun.
Wait for prayer timings- an overdelayed maghrib at past eight when the rest of the day suddenly collapses, have your dinner yet its unnervingly light outside and its already nine thirty and time to sleep. Munnaz, a colleagu, adds that people are falling ill from heatstroke as they leave work at five o'clock in the torrid sun.
And shops still open late, 'the bakeries, fruitsellers and markets,' says Shiza, 'follow their own routine of stocking up by twelve o'clock.' There are more cars on the streets at ten at night, than they used to be before, so no one is sleeping earlier but are rather enjoying the extra hour gallivanting, Pakistanis are intrinsically laid back, they'd rather take the easy way out in anything than slog it out.
Be it tweaking rules, queues, cheating in exams, cheating people, than making their own mark, or own path. If we had the originality of thought we'd realise the value of discipline. But we senselessly and shamelessly mimic others rather than discovering ourselves, our own strengths for God has made each of us for a separate purpose and hence equipped them with different strengths and gifts.
Thank god, God doesn't mass produce and manufacture people and He has decreed every one's paths, wealth, gifts etc. It is hence disobedience and ingratitude to covet others blessings as a saint explains. If we realised that, no one would envy or covet the other's blessings and try to take their place.
But we copy the West, western ways and accents to gloss our personalities, a vapid person will try and copy someone he deems successful, in his manner of speech, mannerisms etc, regardless of how inane he appears. And so we have copied the western time change.
There is something unnatural about putting the clocks back. Your body clock can't be tinkered with no matter what, in the same way as one's moral compass remains the same despite the times. Even though flirtatious behaviour is the norm, thanks to media mores, it's still not permissible in the Shariat and doesn't change the feeling of moral repulsion.
So too the body reacts. Yet one has learnt in these five years that despite the bitterness of experiences, everything is willed by God and is as He plans and that true Islam is acceptance of His will and willing submission. It doesn't really then matter what people say and if friends betray your trust, for it is written "Everything passes away save the face of God." (Allah baqi min qulli fani).
As a saint said, "Patience is to wait for consolation from God" and patience, which is the heart of faith 'is to be patient with patience'. When one comes to realise not to expect anything from creatures, and to accept their praise and blame with equal equanimity as from God. And as a saint said that when one sees someone behaving in a manner one doesn't like, the test is to not imitate his behaviour in retaliation.
One then also realises one's own weaknesses, how easy it is to loose one's own moral compass and sink to the depths of others in vengeance. The real test is to retain one's own moral integrity. I guess we should be grateful for not yet becoming liars, stealers, cheaters, slanderers or adulterers.