Blame it on capitalism if you will - but one of the fundamental questions we carry around all if not most of our lives is - what job do you do?

It starts off at toddlerhood framed as an innocent “what do you want to be when you grow up”, to a simple “so what do you do” at an introductory meeting, and eventually morphs into an essential tenet that shapes our identity.

And sometimes you realise that you live to work rather than work to live.

What is wrong with that, especially when the ultimate goal is to have employees passionate about their jobs?

Enmeshment

Nearly 100-hour work-weeks at Goldman Sachs. An article by The New York Times this July called ‘How to Stop Thinking About Work All The Time.’ A $1,200 fine for contacting employees on vacation by a start-up called Dream Sports.

These are all a product of a psychological state called enmeshment where the line between your personal life and work become blurred. The repercussions go beyond the obvious negative impact on work-life balance.

Your self-worth essentially becomes a glass house ready to be broken by the uncertainty of the future. Work enmeshment, or when your identity becomes your work, involves basing your self-worth on things like your paycheck, job title or external validation from colleagues.

According to a BBC interview with Anne Wilson, a professor of psychology at Wilfrid Laurier University in Ontario, “[enmeshment can] eat up one’s time and identity, leaving less space for hobbies and interests. It makes it harder to connect with people who aren’t a part of your working life.”

But whether it is Artificial Intelligence, the swathe of tech lay-offs or an eccentric new owner like at Twitter (now called X), your future forever hangs in balance and your identity ever so fragile.

By allowing space for other things other than work you are more able to challenge negative thoughts and fully take on a growth mindset

Steve Jobs - passion or enmeshment?

What is problematic about enmeshment is how often it is disguised as “passion”. Today, we have a plethora of biographies by successful individuals including some who can be case studies for enmeshment. But instead we laud them for their achievements and discard the heavy impact they had to pay with their lives.

What is worse is if these handful of individuals paid the price, what is happening to those not in the limelight? Symptoms of anxiety, depression and hopelessness according to Clinical Psychologist Sabrina Romanoff when the job does not pan out as projected.

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There are instances of substance abuse, severe panic attacks because of how intrinsically linked your being is connected to your job. Do you start hating yourself because you hate your job? Last August, EY Auditor Aishwarya Venkatachalam committed suicide that prompted a workplace review revealing the severe work practices required by the organisation to succeed.

Unexpected victims

Yes, you may not know it but it may just be happening to you.

The main aspect of the psychological state of enmeshment is that it usually reveals itself when the job is not going as planned. Till then it festers and grows, so it is important for a moment of self-reflection. To help with that process here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Do you feel proud of yourself for being in a state of constantly being busy?
• Is an exorbitant part of your life consumed by work?
• Do you find yourself judging others by the jobs they do?
• Do you have trouble answering the question “who are you?” without mentioning your job?
• Are you able to maintain hobbies, interests, relationships outside of work?

When you draw a line

Establishing a sense of self that is not dependent on solely work allows you to truly grow. It enables you to truly take constructive criticism and feedback rather that viewing it as a personal assault or being suspicious of ulterior motives. By allowing space for other things other than work you are more able to challenge negative thoughts and fully take on a growth mindset.

According to Stephen Covey’s ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’, the true realisation of your potential comes forward after nourishing four areas: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual. You thus need to have a stable source of self-worth to bring your best self forward.

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And most importantly self-esteem and identities are always changing and hence, it is important to diversify. Janna Koretz, founder of Azimuth Psychological that focuses on mental health challenges in high-pressure careers, recommends: “Ultimately, it’s similar to diversifying a financial portfolio. You have to diversify your life. Diversify yourself.”

There is nothing wrong with passion, in fact it is the essence of life. But as Benjamin Franklin puts it “if passion drives you, let reason hold the reins”.

The article does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Business Recorder or its owners

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