“So the code of conduct has been issued by the Election Commission of Pakistan (ECP). Why are you laughing?”

“Well we are a nation that excels in vicious verbal abuse and just because the ECP says not to do it, it ain’t gonna find any traction.”

“Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

“Well speaking of sticks I recall the deceased Naeemul Haq slapping Daniyal Aziz, a one-time Nawaz Sharif and his appendage Notification Maryam Nawaz’s (NMN) diehard loyalist –wasn’t he disqualified by the court for mouthing obscenities at all those who wanted father and daughter to provide a money trail for their untold wealth?”

“That incident reminds me of David and Goliath story – David with a much slender build defeated the giant Goliath…”

“I reckon the tortoise and the hare reference is more appropriate.”

“I don’t agree – the tortoise in the story clearly was Daniyal Aziz, while the hare was Naeemul Haq. In our politics, the Goliaths are ready to defer to…”

“I will have to agree there. Fawad Chaudhary slapped two anchors – both supporters of his then boss, though I think one had already developed differences by the time of the slap.”

“Right and Firdous Ashiq Awan slapped Mandokhel and Afzal Khan Marwat slapped a PML-N senator recently…”

“And the common thread is that all these slaps were launched when the slappers were in the Pakistan Tehrik-i-Insaaf fold and the slapee wasn’t.”

“Launch? I thought missiles and drones are launched…”

“Nah, in this country slaps and abuse are part of our national code of conduct. I suggest a Joint Investigation Team be set up to determine…”

“All the slaps happened on live television!”

“Doesn’t matter, it still needs to be investigated.”

“Maryam Aurengzeb says that the culture of abuse began with the PTI and warned Bilawal Bhutto Zardari not to use foul language…”

“I don’t think he is, but what does she say about the flyers circulated by Nawaz Sharif’s party accusing Nusrat and Benazir Bhutto of lewd behavior…”

“That’s dated. Besides, didn’t The Man Who Must Remain Nameless recently comment in an interview that women are asking for it if they dress in a specific way.”

“That is the influence of the Third Wife…”

“Yeah, but see each subsequent contender for the post of the chief executive goes one step further than his predecessor – it’s like they get on an escalator and the only way is up. To come down, they need to take the down elevator…”

“And the down elevator is, like the internet as and when a PTI public interaction is planned, non-operational due to a technical glitch - so they can only go up ….”

“Or be pushed and come tumbling all the way down to the base.”

“There is that.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2024