We see fame. We see wealth. We see respect. We see adulation. We see success. We see impact. That is what we see and that is what inspires most people to aspire to be a leader. While most aspire, few make it. This gap of the aspirations and the results has fascinated researchers and writers in every era.

What we see and what we do not really see is what goes on behind the glamour of achievements, reverence, positions that make jaws drop. As a coach I see so much desire that goes waste, I see so much potential that is never realized, I see so much talent that is hyped out. In organizations, at home, in life the explanation given for not being able to do what you wanted is mostly attributed to adverse circumstances.

Take a look— There is this bright student who says he was left behind because he could not afford English medium education. There is this talented sports youngster who finds it impossible to deal with systemic nepotism. There is this rising star who fades out as he is unable to weather out the chronic politics in his industry.

The good news about these explanations is that all of these people can identify exactly when the obstacle stalled their rise. The bad news is that this is the story of most leaders multiplied by a hundred. Reality is a tough journey. Every story is full of the ups and downs. Most people think that their story is the most impossible. Everybody’s sense of the difficulty is directly proportional to the view of it in their mind’s eye.

The mental view of “befallen misfortune” is what creates this belief that those who have made it on the top never had to face the problems they were facing. Everybody wants to end up on the pedestal and believes that they could have “if only” they also had what those who made it have.

This “only if” is the biggest obstacle that has created the biggest hindrance to their progress. If this is true and most people are aspiring to that greatness why are they not able to overcome this limitation? The answer lies in these differences of the winners and the whiners:

1- Inner Focused Vs Outer Focused— The main difference between those lead and those who don’t is their center of focus. Those who donot lead are focusing on the problem “out there”. Those who lead are focusing on the solution“in here”. The external focus is going to make the person look at what “appears” to be.

They see how bad the country and economic conditions are and say “if only our country had an enabling environment like America, I would have…”. They are absolutely right that American environment is more facilitating, but the question is that what is the likelihood of our country becoming US in the near future? The answer is not really.

This category of people are not willing to accept that focusing on the external is going to make them even more frustrated, unhappy and less productive. On the contrary people who are inner focused accept that the externals are not in their control. They focus on how they can focus on making themselves better to face the tough externals.

Take any story of the well known entrepreneurs in USA, they all faced impossible conditions. Roy Kroc of McDonald, creator of Apple. Steve Jobs has had an impossible story. Born illegitimate, given up for adoption, poor parents, no education, no money, best friend deceived, had cancer etc., yet he went on to become the top leader of the industry. All evidence shows that most of the great leaders were extraordinarily deprived in resources and for years stayed in grinding conditions and excruciating environments.

2- Capacity to Fail— Leaders have an immense capacity to fail. When we see or read about them, they are successful, but what we do not see how many failures they have faced. Abraham Lincoln’s story is a tragedy plus journey. He lost his mother, lost his love, lost three sons, lost his job, lost his business, lost elections 6 times.

This unglamorous part of leadership becomes very romantic in a story but when it comes to keeping up your resolve despite heartbreaking repetitive setbacks most people are not ready to face them. In a recent speech the tennis super star Roger Federer said perfection is nothing.

He said, “In the 1,526 singles matches I played in my career, I won almost 80% of those matches. Now, I have a question for you. What percentage of points do you think I won in those matches? Only 54%. In other words, even top ranked tennis players win barely more than half of the points they play”. That means he had 46% failures too. Federer will then go on forever to practice and practice the minutest of his flaws.

The question is how many people would have the mental, emotional capacity to bear so many failures and not be discouraged and depressed enough to give up? The answer is very few. That is the harsh truth of this behind the scenes painful reality of being a leader.

3- The Guts, the Grit, the Gall— The fashionable leadership qualities of communication and charisma are all good. The lure of the leaders being intelligent and talented is also fine. However, the real traits are the boring ones — patience, resilience, discipline, hard work. The hardest part is to bear the humiliation of being a failure. The toughest part is to be target of jokes for years on end.

The biggest gut required is to say no to all your own laziness, victimism, ego centricity, excuses, etc. Grit is the main characteristic of leaders. It may be 27 years of Nelson Mandela in jail or it may be the 4am 10000 hours of skill practice in heat for years for Federer.

It is the tenacity to keep trying even when years of failure have gone by and nobody believes in you. It is the daily fight against demoralization and dejection. It is the ability to persist when the body and mind are near exhausted and screaming.

So are we trying to discourage people? No. If anything it is a call for leadership. The good news is that if people feel things are not in their favour, that is the opportunity to stand out and lead. As the founder of Nvidia Jensueng Huang says, it is the pain and suffering that strengthen and prepare you for change, for crisis, for adversity.

He said he wants people who have gone through suffering because suffering strengthens your character. The long boring years of being rejected, humiliated and being disciplined are the seeds that eventually bear you the fruits of leadership.

Copyright Business Recorder, 2024