“Nothing less than Nishan-i-Haider for Greedy for Portfolios Samdhi (GPS). His list of services is rising by the day.”

“Indeed, he single-handedly lost the country 4 billion-dollar remittance inflows because of his flawed policy to control the rupee dollar parity and that too at a time when our reserves were around $3 billion…”

“Hey back off – you can’t refer to it as a flawed policy, at most you can refer to it as the right policy implemented at the wrong time.”

“You mean like what happened in George Bernard Shaw’s play Arms and the Man where the head of the cavalry unit, on horseback, gave the suicidal order to charge the enemy’s infantry unit but nonetheless the cavalry won the day because the infantry had been provided out of date ammunition…”

“So, how do you define GPS? The head of the cavalry or the infantry…”

“The head of the cavalry – unaware that armies (read economies) do not engage with their enemies on horseback (intervene in a market when there are no reserves to back you).”

“Right, so they negotiated, and he was conferred the Foreign Ministry – I guess the logic was that as powerful stakeholders run that ministry his input would be neutralised…”

“Yes, but GPS single-handedly angered the only country that has always stood by us, China, by publicly saying that he had overheard a senior Chinese official say to the Prime Minister that Pakistan is the only country where Chinese deaths would not …”

“You have to give him full marks – he is consistent in leading the cavalry!”

“I reckon here I would define him as the out of date ammunition.”

“The Foreign Office says that he went off script and…”

“GPS recommended that those who went after the former Chief Justice’s car in the UK be stripped of their passports – isn’t that a violation of…”

“I am not sure if that will be legal, I would assume you need a court order…”

“The Brown Pope has said he will do it.”

“Well, what is done today is undone tomorrow in this country, so one has to bide one’s time and…”

“Anyway, I propose GPS be given another ministry.”

“Shouldn’t the Deputy Prime Ministership be enough?”

“For a normal Samdhi yes, but GPS wants to wear many, many, hats so…”

“How about the prime minister getting rid of all advisors and conferring…”

“Or how about sending him on a sabbatical to get an economics degree with the pledge that he would be appointed as the finance minister again.”

“Pledge that I assume will be revocable?”

“Hey, when convictions and cases are dropped at the…”

“Drop of a hat is the expression which explains why GPS wants so many hats.”

“Don’t be facetious.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2024