"The Khan and his cricket contingent must draw lessons from the Oscars."

"In what way?"

"In how to silence detractors."

"I don't get it."

"And hopefully you are not one of The Khan's at least three dozen media advisors and..."

"Is that what you meant by cricket contingent?"

"Yes precisely - I mean there are the players themselves, eleven, then there are the spares, and the coach, and other members of the cricket board, and then there is Ehsan Mani who has replaced The Man Who Shall Remain Nameless and who, like his predecessor, accompanies the cricket team wherever it goes and not at his own expense..."

"I see, but Oscars are about acting and whatever you may think of our extremely volatile cricket team's performance they are all about a sport much loved by the people of this country - a sport that has the capacity to bring the country together - be they Zardis, Nawalas or Khanzadehs and..."

"I hear it is also popular where diesel holds sway."

"Don't be facetious."

"It is a popular sport even where our exiles, self imposed, court ordered and..."

"Shush, anyway what I was saying was that The Khan's media team needs to draw lessons from the Oscars."

"I think you are being facetious."

"No I am serious, OK let me ask you a question: what is the modus operandi of the Khanzadehs in dealing with criticism by the media?"

"Well, they say it's all the fault of the previous administrations and...and...wait they also say that the media is full of partisan journalists and there is a need to change some laws to bring them under some sort of control so where does the comparison with the Oscars comes in?"

"The Oscars, everyone - black or white or Asian in the business - concluded that it favours white males and does not reflect ethnic diversity."

"True."

"The Oscars shut up all detractors by giving four Oscars to a South Korean film. That's out of the box thinking my friend."

"I see, so what do you reckon The Khan should do?"

"Instead of defending the three stooges and saying he ain't changing any of them - Curly Joe is the chief minister Punjab - attacking the mafias, politicians and those who collude to raise prices, the best diversion would be to..."

"Improve governance?"

"Don't be stupid. If that was to happen it would have happened by now."

"Reshuffle the cabinet."

"That could work if he brings in some eye candy ministers but I was thinking along the lines of giving one scholarship from our public money in each institution of learning and on the basis of performance..."

"So like the laptop..."

"This would be better because he would announce the scholarship in a ceremony..."

"Like the laptop."

"The Khan's intent must be supported, he, like Brutus, is an honourable man."