PARTLY FACETIOUS: the new sensation from US media

"I hear there is yet another sensational story from Waziristan."
"Yessirree...they seem to happen at the right time."
"Right time?"
"Well, when Bush is behind in the polls we seem to catch a major al Qaeda operative."
"So?"
"So in the aftermath of such a story Bush ratings go up as the Americans feel that he is going after al Qaeda operatives - the guys who attacked the US."
"Ah yes."
"And now they have recovered a video that purports to be from an al Qaeda operative threatening a global war on the US. And the news came from the US media and not the Pakistani media. The video shows a man saying that a global war would be launched against the US if Bush wins re-election."
"That may well get him more votes instead of less."
"Indeed - many argue that with Bush in the White House the recruitment drive for this war would experience a significant boost - and that may change if Kerry comes to the White House."
"Indeed. But why would our people give this video to the US. I mean doesn't it show that these bad guys, to use Bush's terminology, are in Pakistan? I mean I don't understand the story."
"So what is the best way to deal with these terrorists?"
"Musharraf has found a way."
"I know...he has said to talk to them, not to isolate them and that is not the policy he is following in Waziristan incidentally."
"No, he has another philosophy now. He urged the commerce and foreign affairs ministries to make co-ordinated efforts to bolster exports to the EU countries and the US, saying the resultant increase in the economic activity would help reduce poverty and curb extremism through socio-economic development at the grassroots level."
"So why doesn't Bush do that?"
"Don't be facetious. If exports could end our worsening socio-economic conditions then I am Mother Teresa."
"Hang on: we are receiving a fax message from the Presidency. It says, hello Mother Teresa."