Partly Facetious: Understanding the difference between libel and slander

"I want to fire a few people."
"Hey you can only fire those who were selected not those who were elected."
"So I can't fire the President but I can fire Rehman Malik."
"As matters stand you can't fire Malik either because if one of the elected appoints a selected then you can't touch them."
"That's not true - the Prime Minister appointed a man to head the OGDCL and then after public hue and cry he fired him."
"Ah but the PM himself was selected."
"Oh for crying out loud!"
"So really who do you want fired? Rehman Malik because the law and order situation has worsened in the country over the past two-and-a-half years and..."
"Malik says the army is fighting the war on terror so any terror attacks that take place in any part of the country are not really his responsibility and besides I think he also thinks that law and order is a provincial matter."
"So why doesn't he get another Ministry?"
"He likes where he is and you can't touch him."
"So what about Ijaz Butt can we fire him? Considering that he accused the British team of taking money to lose..."
"But it is getting farcical. I mean the Pakistan team is damned if it wins and damned if it loses."
"Precisely and those responsible must be fired."
"Well you can't fire Butt either. He is well connected."
"Is he even talking to a lawyer before he accuses the British team? Because mind you I don't want my tax money to pay for his lawyer if the British team charges him with defamation."
"Can you tell me the difference between libel and slander?"
"Well...slander is the spoken word, whereas libel is a written word..."
"Your tax rupees have been paying for his tickets and his stay abroad and this has been happening for a while so what's the big deal in paying for a lawyer?"
"Will he hire a lawyer there or would Awan of the Law Ministry send one from here at state expense?"
"The Supreme Court has not yet decided on the matter."
"I give up."