PARTLY FACETIOUS: EVM: the neutral umpire?

“I would like to request, humbly request our Prime Minister to…”

“Are you going to use cricket terminology?”

“I don’t think so because…”

“Not interested in the why, its but to do and die if you know what I mean; anyway if there is an implied criticism in what you are going to say then say extremely humbly, meekly, respectfully…”

“Fair enough, anyway I would request The Khan to revisit his unquestioning support for the Electronic Voting Machines (EVMs).”

“Why? Fawad Chaudhary in his earlier avatar…”

“You have to narrow it down?”

“What?”

“His earlier avatar as Information minister, first time around, his position as Minister for Science and Technology, then part II as the Minister for Information…”

“I reckon he has performed in all three avatars…anyway during the middle years, i.e., as Minister for Science and Technology he not only challenged the moon gazers but also produced a domestically manufactured EVM…”

“How can you say middle years? I mean the remaining tenure is two years and four months I reckon…”

“For the Prime Minister, not for any other member of the cabinet…”

“That’s true anyway Fawad Chaudhary sold the Prime Minister on the EVM?”

“Ha, ha, he sold The Khan on the EVM but got fired in any case.”

“Back off – anyway e-voting can use standalone EVMs or computers connected to the Internet. It may encompass a range of internet services, from basic transmission of tabulated results to full-function online voting through common connectable household devices. The degree of automation may be limited to marking a paper ballot, or may be a comprehensive system of vote input, vote recording, data encryption and transmission to servers, and consolidation and tabulation of election results.”

“I assume it uses electricity so what happens if there is load shedding?”

“A minor glitch - The Khan can instruct the supremely well run power sector to ensure no load shedding.”

“Don’t be facetious and if it is linked to the computer then let me remind you that six times out of ten when I visit my bank or PIA I am told to come back later as the computer is down. Besides some of my computing friends tell me not to trust any programming I do not author.”

“Hmm, Germany stopped using electronic voting in 2009 when its court ruled it was not transparent enough, Netherlands reverted to paper ballots in 2007 after the system was hacked…”

“But we compare ourselves with India and as you know EVM were developed in 1989 by Election Commission of India in collaboration with Bharat Electronics Limited and Electronics Corporation of India Limited, and not by a ministry with zero input from the Election Commission…”

“You are such a spoilsport.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2021