PARTLY FACETIOUS: The verbal slaps

“He slapped on the face and not gently if you know what I mean.”

“Excuse me, but The Khan may engage in verbal slaps on the faces of the three mice or on any other part of their body but never ever has he engaged in actually slapping someone on the face — the late Naeemul Haq slapped Danial Aziz on television.”

“Right, I remember that, a visibly ailing frail Naeemul Haq slapped a visibly healthy and overweight…”

“Right and so I don’t know who you mean when you say he slapped…”

“Oh that was at the Oscars on Sunday night — the wife of Will Smith, the actor, has shaved off her head for medical reasons and Chris Rock made fun of her and that angered Will Smith who first abused him and then proceeded to slap him…but speaking of The Khan I would like to make three observations and…”

“You are an ordinary chap not a judge so observations must be short, sweet and smart.”

“Ha ha, yes I do recall Sheikh Rashid’s speech and it seemed to me that he was trying to do a Brutus, who joined the assassination of his friend Caesar on grounds of patriotism, but landed up doing a Cassius, the chief plotter of the assassination — I mean he dwelt on The Khan’s Achilles heel — inflation…”

“Right, anyway my first observation is how come The Khan is receiving snail mail — I mean aren’t the intelligence agencies whetting all his mail just in case of some chemical…”

“Maybe it was hand delivered.”

“Even then, I mean if it came in an envelope, the agencies should finger print it and…”

“Maybe it came though some relative of his I mean they are not in the public eye so…”

“Hmmm, second observation: The Khan arrived in a helicopter — granted that it took only 10 rupees of the taxpayers’ money to run it to the parade ground but the difference in the mode of travel between the haves and the have nots was kinda stark.”

“Don’t be facetious, that was for security reasons and reasons to do with his arrival on time, I mean the roads were chockablock…anyway your observation number three?” “Given the choice of snail mail as opposed to an email dates the sender; my point is if the threat came from the West they would not have used snail mail…”

“And if it came electronically?”

“Then consider the emails sent to New Zealand cricket players that led them to leave the country…”

“Indeed, but The Khan accurately pointed out it is not the 1970s though those silly foreign detractors are using the same methods as in the 1970s!”

“Hmmm, while keeping us financially shackled…”

“Right, so I would urge The Khan to say absolutely not to borrowing and for that he must reduce not increase government expenditure.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2022