The devastation caused by Glenn McGrath in the Test match at Perth in Australia has shaken the foundation of the Pakistani eleven. Inzi and his merry men have no idea what hit them. Bob Woolmer, the imported coach who would laugh his way to the bank even if the Pakistani team gets beaten by the Australian kindergarten cricket team, is now seeking psychological treatment for his brood. The rumble and tumble has just begun.
The Australians are out to make mince pie of the Pakistani team for Christmas. What should Shaharyar Khan, another clueless guy like his imported coach, do to ensure that the pampered bunch returns to sanity?
The following are some suggestions for him and his committee. First, an immediate complaint to ICC to enforce an Australian-specific rule that states that McGrath and other Australian bowlers be barred from bowling straight to the wicket.
The Australians must bowl non-chalantly, must bowl erratically, and must control their speed. If the Australian bowlers still persist and go on to wreak havoc, then Shaharyar should get Foreign Minister Kasuri to complain to Kofi Annan and have McGrath declared a terrorist for frightening the hapless Pakistani batsmen and causing such devastation.
Next, if everything fails, he should order the Pakistani players to go for world records, such as the lowest score in Test cricket (New Zealand with 26 runs against England presently holds the record), losing by the highest margin, having the maximum number of players out for a duck, and ensuring that Langer or Martyn surpass Lara's score. Moreover, the team should emulate Shoaib Akhter's antics and get slapped with fines by the competent authority.
Oh yes, a word of advice to the cricket fans in Pakistan. Ignore the Pakistani team for at least one year.
Don't go to the stadia, don't watch them on television, and don't read about them in the newspapers.
Meantime, let Senator Enver Baig, the forceful, pragmatic, and highly intelligent Senator, get them on to the right path.
If anyone in Pakistan can bring discipline, motivation, and transparency into the Pakistani cricket scenario, it is Senator Enver Baig.
Of course, we all miss the skipper too.
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