PARTLY FACETIOUS: Drawing parallels

“Gill the Fish was attacked by eggs and ink and…”

“I am reminded of a friend of mine who was a member of the censor board…”

“What is the similarity between Gill the Fish and a member of the censor board? I reckon you need to condemn what happened to Gill irrespective of the ill-will he spreads around whenever he opens his mouth.”

“Bear with me my friend – anyway my friend told me that when a scene that was to be censored came on, one or the other member of the censor board would say play it once more and then edit it out/cut it…”

“Ha, ha, I get it, anyway Gill the Fish was accompanied by a team of Punjab police and some PTI supporters with one man holding an umbrella for him. I take strong exception to the umbrella man, I mean even The Buzz doesn’t merit an umbrella man and if you see footage of when The Buzz was summoned by NAB you can see that he went alone and had to use sign language to get a man to open the car door for him.”

“Ah, but where The Buzz went there was nobody except a few of his security detail……”

“That’s true, maybe Firdous Ashiq Awan in a rare fit of magnanimity…”

“Ha, ha, magnanimity is not a trait exhibited by our politicians.”

“What about those who were not elected?”

“Not them either…lobbying for better position is a different matter and more importantly to know who is the right person to lobby is a fine art…”

“Right, anyway Gill the Fish is facing two charges – he filed an FIR against Tahir Mobeen and two Turkish citizens under section 419, 420, 468 and 471 of Pakistan Penal Code and the petitioners have contended that he used his political position to get the fabricated case registered against them; and second he is facing a criminal complaint under a defamation charge lodged by M/s Platform Turizm Tasimacilik, a subsidiary of Al-Bayrak Group of companies…”

“Hmm, perhaps Gill the Fish doesn’t like Turks.”

“Don’t be facetious - anyway he suffered from an eye infection because of the ink though the egg only damaged his clothes…”

“I reckon those who attacked him should pay for the doctor’s fees and dry cleaning of his clothes…”

“He went to a public hospital so I reckon there was no payment, perhaps a five rupee fee for making the chit and he wasn’t wearing clothes that require dry cleaning – so a simple wash would do.”

“Then I suggest he simply gives what he was wearing to Maryam Nawaz to have it cleaned…”

“Isn’t Maryam in the league of his boss rather than his…I mean even Maryam Aurangzeb is way above his league only he doesn’t know it……”

“Javed Latieef?”

“Elected unlike Gill the Fish…there is Ishaq Dar though who is going to lose his senate seat and…”

“Dar is not in the country.”

“Well, then I request some staff member of the PML-N secretariat to wash his clothes.”

“Fair enough.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2021