PARTLY FACETIOUS: The Havana syndrome

“You heard of the Havana syndrome?”

“No, but I guess it’s a disease that is limited to Cuba or its capital?”

“Hmmm, that’s a statement that shows you do have common sense and employ it as and when you deem it appropriate.”

“What?”

“Common sense in our country falls by the wayside whenever political considerations are at stake…and need I add these considerations are at stake in all decision making – be they pertaining to appointments or policies or agenda for foreign trips or representing your party position on television…”

“I get it, so what’s this Havana syndrome?”

“But let me point out that they teach you in freshman Economics that common sense is really nonsense so the Havana syndrome is a disease that has struck US officials - civilian and military - stationed not only in Havana but also in Russia, China and…and even European countries for example Austria, Serbia though the numbers there are in single digits…and…and…wait…diplomats from other countries have also experienced symptoms, though again their numbers are in single digits…anyway the symptoms are nausea, chirping sounds followed by ringing in the ear to cognitive difficulties…”

“What about US nationals who are not US officials? And what about the local Havana residents?”

“I am not sure.”

“When did this syndrome start?”

“2016 and 2017 so yes it began when Trump was the President which could account for cognitive difficulties but not…”

“Don’t be facetious, a recent US study shows that pulsed electromagnetic energy is the cause and it’s not clear whether it’s directed by natural causes or the host governments…”

“Hmmmm, any complaints from the Pakistani staff stationed in Cuba?”

“They are so glad to be getting paid in foreign currency instead of the eroding rupee…”

“Shush, I was asking about symptoms, if any?”

“Well our local drivers suffer from rightinitis — a disease where everyone driver on the road, from bike riders to cars that are going at no more than 20 km per hour – is going on the right side of the road.”

“I have the perfect solution: Let The Khan issue a notification that all must stay on the right instead of the left and I guarantee that everyone will be going on the left side of the road.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2022