An interview with Dr Zameer—I

Dear readers, in the life of those who are in print or electronic media, the impelling urge every single day is to come up with a scoop, a new story, foretold or at least before anybody able does. Albeit, I do not belong strictly to that fraternity, but the joy I possess today is unimaginable. Yes! (as any enthusiastic teenager would exclaim). I bumped quite accidently into Dr. Zameer, who you all know is not only hard to locate but also difficult to handle; but I managed to nail him into giving an interview. He was initially hesitant, but then he relented to my pleas. So, here is the scoop!!. This is unabridged and unedited version of the interview. The acronym used are Dr Zee (for Dr Zameer) and INT (for the interviewer).

Question INT: Dr Zameer, Firstly, I wish to thank you for the opportunity to interview you, Sir. Let me begin asking, who gave you the name of Dr Zameer (baptised, Christened or otherwise?). When and where you were born? And what’s your Surname?

Answer Dr Zee : First, let me you tell you of my origins. I was born innocent. I am hence more innocent then innocence. My first cousin, Adman, who was only a few seconds older than me, got me and himself banished from the lovely peaceful life we were leading in the Gardens of Eden. (Don’t get me wrong this Eden Gardens is not the residential venture of Gujranwala). Since then Adman, left me alone, to wander in wilderness. I have a twin brother, also called Zameer, but he is known popularly as Zameer — the good. Both of us also have an English name, which is not liked by many, and that is “Conscience”. We have no Family name or Surname, just simply called ‘Zameer’ or ‘Zameer— the good’; the reason for not having a family name is, we are fathered and grandfathered, by the multitude and it would hence be very unfair to carry a single family name. So, it is plain Zameer. As far as my name is concerned, Zameer is my ‘trade name.” It is properly patented. Anybody willing to buy or sell my name has to pay a price: usually very heavy and hefty. Despite of my oversupply status, I remain in demand as the one and only Dr Zameer. That’s my humble background.

Question INT: Dr Zameer you talked of your kinship to one Mr Adman, but let’s get it correct, accurate and full, tell us about your parents? Do or did you have one? Where do they live?

Answer Dr Zee: Indeed, I have parents. They have been blessed by the Evil with a perpetual life. They are alive and kicking (actually kicking, quite hard sometimes). They are mostly living with me. Myself and my entire family emerge upon the horizon, where the law ends…only then does the requirement of Dr Zameer and all my companions becomes active. Rarely positively, but mostly negatively.

Question INT: So, if your parents live with you, I am provoked to ask where do you live?

Answer Dr Zee: I am baffled! I reside inside you. I share the deepest chambers of your heart as a co-resident. Surprise that you should be asking such as silly thing! How naive are you? Where did you receive your education and training? Your question “honestly” is highly disappointing.

Question INT: (Startled!) What? You live within me, are you okay, Dr Zameer? Do you suffer from hallucinations? I have never seen you before, but have heard a lot about you and you unique characteristics and strengths, hence this desire to interview you. Dr Zameer, I wish to not challenge and punish your senility, so let’s continue with the interview. What is your father’s profession and where does he work and for whom??.

Answer Dr Zee: Listen, young - old lad, after this interview is over, please visit the physiatrist — you badly need medical attention. Got it? Ah!. So about my lovely Dad — well he is a professional and a globally recognized cheat and fraudster. He is the life time, Director-General of the Ministry of Corruption. His nature of job transcends geographies, but his preferred residence is your land of purity.

Question INT: And what nationality do you hold? Further, pardon my asking, looking at you, there is a bit of a confusion on how you should you be addressed as Dr Zameer (Mr) or Dr Zameer (Ms)?

Answer Dr Zee: (loud guffaws). Firstly, I have a chameleon ability, one moment I am Mr. and another Ms. You see it is all situational. It would be unfair if you judge me as an opportunist. Since I believe in transactional relationships, so I alter my gender to suit the demand of the occasion. As regards my nationality- I am an international citizen, with special and different skill set for the first world and the third world countries. (Oh! By the way you know I befriended Gorbachev: and together we undid the Second World (Loud, laughter). I hold diplomatic passport issued by the Supreme Council of Corrupt Nations and that makes travels very easy, for me and my family.

(To be continued on Sunday)

(The interviewer is a freelance contributor)

Copyright Business Recorder, 2022