PARTLY FACETIOUS: The retired Captain

“I hear the tell all book by Prince Harry and wife…”

“I don’t understand why you say and wife. If its tell all she was a member of the family or firm for less than two years – the marriage took place on 19 May 2018 and the Prince and his wife announced they would no longer be senior members of the firm effective 8 January 2020…”

“One does share with one’s spouse – past experiences, present factors that necessitate a change of direction and future plans, and a spouse will lend assistance in whatever capacity he or she can and last but not least influence the mind set of one’s spouse…”

“Are you being facetious?”

“No I am serious.”

“Well if you are referring to the much retired Captain Safdar who was left behind in Pakistan to supposedly look after the cases, after she was exonerated in The Case, when we all know the poor guy was on a retainer, a not very generous retainer at that…”

“Let’s put it this way – there is no way in hell he can ever take over the party like Zardari sahib did.”

“In the Bhutto Zardari clan the contenders are limited and clearly defined, in the Sharif firm the number of contenders is rather large and not well defined…”

“If you are referring to Maryam not being well defined I would take exception to that…”

“You can take whatever exception you want but look who she has around her – the retired Captain, the loud mouthed man with no portfolio, Parveen Rashid, Talal Chaudhary…”

“It’s Parvez Rashid and he too got left behind when she went to London. Anyway yes it’s the second tier of the leadership but…”

“They are all second tier after Nawaz Sharif who has a life-long Aaa rating (accountability czars eat your heart out), Maryam Nawaz and Dar are Aa but only as long as Aaa remains in the picture, Shahbaz Sharif and sons are A and can be downgraded or upgraded depending on the life span of the one with Aaa rating. The ones around Maryam are rated C.”

“Oh dear and what about The Khan?”

“The only one impacting his career is Third Wife.”

“With considerable powers I hear – the power to read into the future, to deflect attacks, to…”

“But is The Khan listening to her. I mean she has told him time and again that letter ain (the 24th letter of the Urdu alphabet) is key to his sustainability and don’t ask me to define sustainability. Anyway if I recall correctly The Khan approved the Chief Election Commissioner who has no ain in his name, and mind this is despite his having three names - Sikander Sultan Raja.”

“Right there is no ain in the chief of army staff’s name and there is no ain in the previous and the incumbent ISI chief and then…”

“The Khan now spells it as the qaum (nation) is behind him.”

“That doesn’t have an ain either.”

“It’s how you spell it idiot, the way The Khan spells qaum it has two ains.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2022