PARTLY FACETIOUS: How do you explain a cypher?

“Why can’t we learn to call a spade a spade.” “Oh what do we call it?”

“I am in no mood for jest.”

“No seriously what do we call a spade if not a spade? A cypher? A conviction that does not stop us from leaving for London where luxury awaits us and this when the man who hates us the most in this world is the Prime Minister? Or wait is it other stakeholders whose selections are forgiven time and again while the selected have dirt rubbed on their faces? And yet the supporters of all, I mean all, no exceptions, are in spades?”

“Oh dear such passion! Anyway when I said we must learn to call a spade a spade I was referring to the hangers-on not the major players.”

“And you define hangers-on as?”

“Well the hangers-on are appointed again and again and again in key posts by the selectors and the selected, so one thing is common there and this is in spite of their consistently showing a lack of capacity as many times as they are appointed…”

“Right, the Sheikh boasts he has held a portfolio how many times, more than seven at least that I remember and left devastation in the Ministry after his departure…”

“You placing him in The Khan camp, I mean he has changed sides several times though he is finally boxed himself in…”

“Let’s see who remains boxed in. Nawaz Sharif’s hanger on is Dar and the guy’s recent statement that the State Bank should come up with a policy for market intervention in the foreign exchange market defies basic economic theory and need I add merits a change in his brand name – from Daranomics to Darancy…”

“I get the Daranomics, economic policies that lead to disaster in the medium term though in the short term things appear to be improving from a political perspective, but Darancy?”

“Dar and accountancy, besides darancy means available, it’s the number 3…”

“Got it, for the Maryam Nawaz camp there is the Man With No Portfolio whose responsibility is to froth at the mouth against whoever she directs him to criticize – could be Unkill Shehbaz, could be The Khan…”

“Ha ha, she is an equal opportunity hater right?”

“Indeed for Zardari sahib it used to be…”

“Please we do not criticize the dead.”

“Alright Zardari sahib has an entire team of hangers-on as the party leader but they follow some norms while The Gullu Butts of the Nawaz league and the Khanzadehs use of abuse…”

“As a Punjabi I reckon we come out as kinda ruder than any other ethnic group in this country. I mean we get angry quickly, we get…”

“The Khan is not a Punjabi?”

“By that logic neither is Nawaz Sharif who is a Kashmiri, but both he and The Khan were raised in Lahore which I recall is in Punjab.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2022