PARTLY FACETIOUS: ‘What did Naqvi have to say about the ignominious defeat to the US?’

“The Pope hath spoken.”

“I wasn’t aware he has said anything lately. Oh, you mean what he said this Friday – that all this suffering, the brutality of war, the violence it unleashes and the hatred it sows even among future generations should convince us all that every war leaves our world worse than it was before.”

“Right he timed that with the tenth anniversary of a call for peace in the Holy Land by Israel’s former president Shimon Peres and Mahmud Abbas, president of the Palestinian Authority, at a Vatican meeting in June 2014; but that is not what I was referring to when I said the Pope hath spoken.”

“He appealed on 12 May, during the Regina Caeli on Ascension, for a general exchange of all prisoners between Russia and Ukraine.”

“Nope, that was also not heeded, perhaps because there are few Christians in Israel and the Russians are not Catholics, but their church is Russian Orthodox Church…”

“Right, oh wait are you referring to the two hatted Naqvi’s audience with the Pope where he was instructed to rebuild the burnt church…”

“Nope, I guess I need to narrow it down. I was not referring to the Pope who lives in the Vatican but to the Brown Pope.”

“I had heard of Brown Sahib, though not since The Man Who Must Remain Faceless and Nameless began marrying Pakistani women…”

“I was referring to the two hatted guy, Pakistan Cricket Board Chair and the Interior Minister, is the Brown Pope.”

“What did he have to say about the ignominious defeat to the US? In the supreme national interest.”

“Ha ha, and then we lost to India. But that was just a six run defeat, and so now we pray that other teams lose key matches so that Pakistan may qualify…”

“The Brown Pope may lose one hat because of our team’s poor performance so far?”

“Don’t think so – he will have to literally be caught with his…”

“Stop, this is the Land of the Pure, and we don’t talk about pants being up or down or whatever.”

“I was just going to say that if one hat is to be taken away, I would recommend the Interior Ministry because my petrol bill has gone up since the shutting down of Nadra Chowk for vehicles and the shutting down of D Chowk because there are a handful of protestors…”

“Try to get a free scooter on offer under Notification Maryam Nawaz’s scheme because the Nadra Chowk allows scooters to pass through and not cars.”

“So our Brown Pope is smart: he knows how to run with the hares and hunt with the hounds.”

“NMN is the hare or the hound in your book?”

“When she is with the trainer Parveen Rashid then she is a hare and when with daddy a hound cause that’s when she can hunt.”

“It’s Parvez so get that keyboard fixed for God’s sake and if I were daddy I would have fired him by now – the guy has still not been able to train NMN…”

“Don’t be facetious.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2024