It is too much. I want to get out of it. There is no break. I am divided. These expressions have a familiar ring. Take a guess why? Many would say it is easy because there is so much one can take. Workers are sick of spending more in the office with very little time for family. Wrong.
This guess would have been valid till 2019. In came Covid and work from home became an essential. Lo and behold after a while the same expressions were for too much time at home. All of a sudden the office seemed much more of a break than home.
The mental focus and peace became a casualty as people at home were hovering around 24/7. This is a clear indication that too much of anything is too much. Human beings are not made for doing the same thing in the same environment for too long.
The world has witnessed a sad saga of many miserable events. Covid itself was a horror. The war on Gaza, the financial crunch and now the burning of Palisades in Los Angeles. There is general discontent in the air. The moneyed people feel empty as they run after more money.
The unmoneyed people feel that their life is just a series of struggle and unhappiness. In such morose times what can be done to feel that your existence is more than just rushing after mundane things.
The inability to take joy out of life has become a big dilemma. There is a great race for more of this and more of that. This insanity exhausts people. Even when they get to their goals it becomes an anti -climax as the high they get gives way to a vacuum. The reason may be:
1- Pleasure vs happiness— The pursuit of happiness is mixed up with the obsession with pleasure. When they obtain that pleasure they feel high for a short time only to dip even lower after a short while.
We are a culture of pleasure seekers. Within our own confused understanding of the two we have lost the ability to discern, to feel the differences between pleasure and happiness. We may be pursuing pleasure thinking we are on the road to happiness. But this road is dangerous. Pleasure-seeking, pleasure-craving and pleasure underpin addictions, whereas happiness contains no danger or threats.
The pleasure we get out of eating chocolates, wearing brands, etc., are called “retail therapy” for people feeling down. The idea is to go binge eat, binge shop and lift your mood. There is a big difference between lifting your mood and lifting your spirits. Moods are transitory, but spirits are more enduring. Psychologist say that pleasure seeking produces dopamine that gives a high. That high can be negative too.
Aggression dopamine gives pleasure in fights, abuse and violence too. Thus pleasure is two faced and may give some boost but leaves you with an aftermath that will make you even more unhappy. Happiness is more of seeking a safe peaceful environment.
Happiness is a state within where your soul is stirred by doing something beyond yourself. Pleasure is based on mostly external factors. Happiness is more within state of leading a meaningful life.
2- The 4 dimensions of being human— They say human beings are insatiable. They want more and more. The endless desires that they have makes them crave for unnecessary wealth, materials, and achievements. The problem with being human is that the four elements that make a person human all need separate satisfactions.
The body needs to look and feel good. The minds needs to feel nourished and challenged. The heart needs to feel warm and wanted. The soul needs to feel the spirit boosted. The imbalance in life occurs when any one of the elements is not being focused upon. That imbalance results in an internal conflict.
All four need to be satisfied. People who have a lot of beauty and wealth may be physically satisfied but emotionally unhappy. Lady Diana is a prime example of the most admired lady in the world feeling alone and unloved. It can be vice versa too. The lack of resources, on the other hand, makes it impossible for a very talented man to make progress.
Similarly, a job that is well paying but does not have enough mental stimulation will become a cause of unhappiness. It is thus a balance of the all four that creates true fulfillment in people. That balance where you have enough for a comfortable lifestyle, your key relationships intact, your intellect being nourished and your ability to contribute to a greater cause is a rare occurrence. Thus the constant search for something more.
This realization that there is more to life than just a quest for more does not take place till something tragic happens in life. That then creates a life of regrets and living in the past.
3- Restoring balance— The ability to become aware and recreate is a special quality of being human. It is important to realize that being over-focused on any one thing, be it money, fame, family, your own self, on another person is all going to create anxiety and unhappiness.
The most neglected part of physical well-being is to take time out for exercise. That is going to cost a lot of misery in terms of weight gain, health problems when we age. Similarly, not having any mental stimulation either at home or at work will create an internal conflict that will affect every interaction.
Similarly, the spirit is nourished by having a meaning to life by making a contribution. That is perhaps the best way to charge up your life. Very few people go this way. People want to find out the why of their existence.
What makes them miserable is when they do not know ‘what is their purpose?’ If you want to see the impact of having a purpose or not having one, just compare the life of somebody before and after retirement of a job, and you see a remarkable variance. Those who have developed a purpose post-retirement for involving themselves in some social service or a new project are much more happier than those who just stay at home and fret over little nothings.
Finding and maintaining a balance is a life-long struggle. The ability to get carried away by either physical or financial or emotional highs is easy.
To keep steady when the winds are sailing over rosy pastures is what needs to be dealt with maturity.
To be human is to take care of the mind’s desire of learning, the body’s desire of keeping fit, the heart’s desire to care and to be taken care of and the soul’s desire to go beyond yourself. To know when to go from imbalance to balance is the essence of humanity. As Rumi says, “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.”
Copyright Business Recorder, 2025
The writer is a columnist, consultant, coach, and an analyst and can be reached at [email protected]
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