Ayrial Miller is clearly annoyed. Her mother is sitting with her on the couch in their Chicago apartment, scrolling through the teen's contacts on social media. "Who's this?" asks Jennea Bivens, aka Mom.
It's a friend of a friend, Ayrial says. They haven't talked in a while. "Delete it," her mom says. The 13-year-old's eyes narrow to a surly squint. "I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!" she shouts. Yes, Bivens is one of "those moms," she says. She makes no apology.
Nor should she, says a retired cybercrimes detective who spoke to her and other parents in early June at Nathan Hale Elementary School, a K-8 public school in Chicago.
"There is no such thing as privacy for children," Rich Wistocki told them.
Other tech experts might disagree. But even they worry about the secret digital lives many teens are leading, and the dreadful array of consequences including harassment and occasional suicides that can result.
Today's kids are meeting strangers, some of them adults, on a variety of apps. Teens are storing risqu photos in disguised vault apps, and then trading those photos like baseball cards.
Some even have spare "burner" phones to avoid parental monitoring, or share passwords with friends who can post on their accounts when privileges are taken away.
David Coffey, a dad and tech expert from Cadillac, Michigan, said he was floored when his two teens told him about some of the sneaky things their peers are doing, even in their small rural town.
"I gotta hand it to their creativity, but it's only enabled through technology," says Coffey, chief digital officer at IDShield, a company that helps customers fend off identity theft.
It's difficult to say how many kids are pushing digital boundaries this way. But academics, experts like Wistocki and Coffey, and many teens themselves say it's surprisingly common for kids to live online lives that are all but invisible to most parents.
Exposed to tablets and smartphones at an increasingly early age, kids are correspondingly savvier about using them and easily share tips with friends. Parents, by contrast, are both overwhelmed and often naive about what kids can do with sophisticated devices.
Wistocki often holds up a mobile phone and tells wide-eyed parents that giving a kid this "ominous device" is like handing over the keys to a new Mercedes and saying, "Sweetheart you can go to Vegas. You can drive to Texas, Florida, New York, wherever you want to go."
Such journeys can lead to ugly incidents, sometimes involving surprisingly young participants. In January, two 12-year-olds were arrested in Panama City Beach, Florida, for cyberstalking that police said led to the suicide of a classmate named Gabriella Green, who'd been repeatedly bullied.
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