Not speak anything, yet say it all. How many times do we react to the look in somebody's eye, the tone in somebody's words, the raise of somebody's eyebrow, the expression on somebody's face? The answer is many times, in fact most of the time. The language of the body is the language that really means business. The language of the mouth may just be words that may mean little.
The amount of attention that is given to speaking in our lifetime is considerable. Right from the day we are born human beings start speaking to us and teach us to speak. The baby's first cooing is treated with delight. It is heard, responded, video graphed, shared, discussed and then formal attempts are made to add to the sound vocabulary of a few months old toddler. The baby's first utterance of the words Mom or Dad is a moment of ecstasy in a family and thereafter an endless journey starts of teaching to speak and speak.
Communication is the key to any interaction and relationship. The ability to express oneself and express oneself effectively is at the heart of all success. Personal and interpersonal behavior is dependent on the type of communication that one has with its personal and professional stakeholders. At home we often hear about communication issues between parents and children, between siblings, between husband and wife. In work places we come across many communication disruptions between boss and juniors, between team members and between departments. We have seen how work gets done or undone due to clear or vague communication.
We often feel perplexed when we are trying our best to improve a relationship by saying all the right things but getting negative responses from the other party. We feel upset and dejected and start blaming the other party and give up on the relationships. However we do not realize that it is not what we say but how we say it that matters. All positive words become negative with one wrong gesture, look, posture or expression. That is the power of the non-verbal language i.e. the body language.
We have seen this time and again that the same words convey different messages coming from some other people. The classic example of this is the written speeches made by various leaders in the world. The written speech is compiled by a team of experts however the impact depends on how it is delivered and by whom. Every year the State of Union address is delivered by the President of USA. However just notice the impact it has had by comparing those made by Clinton Vs Bush and Obama Vs Trump.
Communication is the most miscommunicated concept. It is considered as the art of speaking, which is true, but it is also the art of not speaking yet conveying the message. Research has proven that the words we choose and the verbal part of the message carries only 7% of the impact. 93% is non verbal, of which 38% are the tones and 55% is the body language. Imagine how much we focus on 7% and now little on 93% of what makes communication impactful.
The variation in the tone and pitch of your voice can dramatically change the context of the message. We have seen news readers on TV who become mega stars only due to the tones they add to words to increase impact. We have seen anchors become superstars due to their delivery and body language. Oprah Winfrey is one of the most powerful women in the world. She ran a TV show for decades and her recent speech on Golden Globe award ceremony on "ME TOO" topic was so effective that people thought she should stand for presidential election of America.
Voice and sound is a key impact point of any communication. We often get bored when we are listening to people who have a monotone. The variation in the pitch, volume and tone of your voice can convey the messages of alertness or lethargy. Just imagine the telemarketers and customer service representatives of various companies.
They all have the standard answers on written down scripts but some voices seem so interested and welcoming and others so off putting. A great example of the usage of tones is the great orator Zia Mohyeddin who has spent almost half a century of his life reciting Urdu and English literature. These are the same essays that seemed so difficult while studying them in college but come alive as we can almost picture the scenes emotions as he recites Shakespeare, Pitras Bukhari etc with amazing emotions, expressions and pronunciation. Similarly, body language is even more important. Here are some easy tips for a more affable and personable personality.
- Smile and use the hands and arms, the best tonic for softening a relationship is smile and keeping an open stance. A frown and crossed arms are a negative signal to the other person. Even a six-month old child responds to a mother's smile or frown with the reciprocal response.
- Expressions and gestures need to be aligned, they are the key to reflect feelings. Actors close ups show you how a dialogue can bring tears or laughter if accompanied by the right expressions.
- Eye contact and use of hands to facilitate connectivity, they are the key to connect and give comfort or discomfort to people. Evasive eyes are a sign of lack of confidence. Clenched hands are a sign of withdrawal while open in front of the body hands are a sign of forthcoming personality.
- Acquire cultural intelligence, country difference in body language is very important to learn. The same gesture in one country may convey positivity while in another country negativity. Shaking head from side to side may be considered negative in Pakistan, however, in Bulgaria, Turkey, Yugoslavia and Albania for example, the reverse is true and nodding of the head indicates no. Similar direct eye contact may convey openness in Europe while it may be considered rude in South East Asian nations where keeping your eyes down may be sign of paying respect.
Many times we sit in the meetings quietly but people are offended by us because our expressions are forbidding or our eyes are shifting or our body is withdrawn. The reverse may be true too. If we are trying to be strict or punitive to somebody but our expressions are soft and body is relaxed the impact on the person we are trying to discipline will be minimum.
Thus, the congruence of the verbal talk with the body talk is what completes a conversation, or, even more, what conveys the objective of the communication. Most miscommunication is the missing body action required by the language that is louder than the sound of the words. (The writer can be reached at [email protected])
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