PARTLY FACETIOUS: Who has failed in his job?

“So what gift would you give to a son-in-law who will inherit untold wealth…?”

“Untold? That calls for firing the Slimy Fish…”

“Good heavens, he is simply on the job as they say…”

“Right, but he has failed in his job because untold wealth implies he hasn’t put a number on the wealth – if you don’t put a number voters are unlikely to take you seriously…wait let me finish a word of advice to The Fish: he must sit properly, not with his legs wide apart because taking that much space when The Khan is in the room smacks of disrespect and…”

“Right, but putting a large number will also lose listeners, I mean I can go up to a billion but beyond that I have no real feel.”

“OK, OK so the gift of Junaid Safdar Sharif’s father-in-law would be a lifetime supply of Qatari letters.”

“Don’t be facetious besides its Junaid Safdar, he hasn’t added on Sharif.”

“I tell you Zardari sahib is a trail blazer and let me assure you if Junaid Safdar ever comes into politics he will add on that name.”

“Alright, but what gift would a guest give to the couple that has everything?”

“I understand that they all signed an affidavit which pledged undying loyalty to Nawaz Sharif and his selected heirs…”

“This country’s politics breeds selections.”

“Right, but consider the ground realities: the selectors are few, in your tribal terms I would say they constitute a jirga, while the selected have to show undying loyalty and…”

“Loyalty exhibited through an affidavit? Or deeds?”

“Now you are being facetious.”

“Anyway in India too there is a wedding of celebrities – Katrina Kaif and Vicky Kaushal and the festivities are to be kept secret, no recordings allowed and…”

“That’s because the couple can make millions of dollars by selling the rights, now who would pay millions for a video of Junaid Safdar and his wife?”

“Then why are there thousands of views of uploaded videos of the ceremony?”

“Hmmm, but where was Captain Safdar?”

“I have it on good authority he was in the toilet at the time the video was being taken and…”

“Oh shush.”

“OK, he had gone to collect his monthly allowance.”

“Hush.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2021